Bible (Best Instructions Before Leaving Earth)

The maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component – the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the subsequent reproduction in all units.

This defect has been identified as “Subsequential, Internal, Non-morality,” more commonly known as S.I.N.

Some of the symptoms include: –

  1. Loss of direction
    2. Foul vocal emissions
    3. Lack of peace and joy
    4. Selfish or violent behavior
    5. Depression or confusion
    6. Idolatry
    7. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.

There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: –

  1.     Love
    2. Joy
    3. Peace
    4. Patience
    5. Kindness
    6. Goodness
    7. Faithfulness
    8. Gentleness
    9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (BEST Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING:- Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus, any time by ‘Knee mail’!

PS Working for God on earth doesn’t pay much, but His retirement plan is said to be, out of this world.

With many God-filled blessings

Geoffrey

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Published by

geoffreymkeyte

I am an author and broadcaster. In January 2013 I very nearly died but our Father God healed me and I am still alive to tell the tale! I have written/edited several books about the Bible, God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus. My future ministry is focused on outreach. I do not just want to preach to the converted but to many people 'out there' who do not know Jesus as their Saviour and who are in great need of His love and compassion. Praise be to the Lord our God, our Heavenly Father

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